Any woman becoming a mother for the first time or the seventh will relate to the rush of holding your new child, biological or adopted, planned or a surprise. A new life merging into yours is a rush! Much like an amusement park ride there is a lot of anticipation, adrenaline, and even fear, but lots of joy and pride too. The ride isn't close to over, but you made it up and down the first big hill. And that's just within the first hours of your babe's life!
My husband and I were just dating when we mentioned future preferences of family sizes. We both thought 4 sounded good, but agreed we wanted at least more than 2. We also thought twins would be fun and were excited to find out twins ran in both sides of our families. God noted that conversation.
Our twins are such a blessing! We got our 'wish' from that long ago conversation. Mollie and William arrived on February 20th in a snowstorm. The delivery was smooth and my body was able to deliver naturally and without pain meds. The rush was there! Joy and relief! They are here!!
Much like an amusement ride, though, there are moments of doubt. When approaching the next big summt you think, "Who thought this was a good idea?" Well truth is, I have had that exact same thought. So has Josh. Ha! Our sleep deprivation tells us in a smug voice, "You wanted this!" I like to think we are handling this uncertainty and exhaustion with grace, faith, and patience knowing this is just one hill to ride out. I don't think we're the image of bug-eyed screamers on a roller coaster anyway. We just might be a little white knuckled:)
It's funny because many people have said to me. "Oh I want twins!" Or, "That's exactly what I would want for twins. One boy, one girl." Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be Mollie and Will's mother, and consider myself very blessed, but be careful what ride you wish for. The height of these hills look manageable from the passenger line, but look very different once harnessed in and lurching forward. Really, This is a truth of parenting singles or multiples, period.
I guess I just I needed to confess my doubts and insecurities,...not something I like to do. I love my children! But it isn't easy! I'm exhausted, wear stretchy pants each day, don't even change into pajamas, sleep on the couch, try to get a daily shower but not always successful, and sleep at most in a 2.5 hour stretch once a day. Otherwise it's hour naps at most. We don't have colic or health concerns. We have a patient, loving, and kind toddler. We really shouldn't complain, but I kind of want to. Really I just want to be honest and say I love my babies, but this is taking all I've got. And I'm willing to give it all to these beautiful babies, but at their middle of the night cluster feeding it is a bit begrudgingly.
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