I am tired.
I am grateful for three healthy children, but I am exhausted and occasionally wish to resign. I am a working mom, working 9 months a year with 50+ hours a week, with about 8 hours a week tutoring in the summer. This means I should be basking in the sun with my children the rest of the time, loving every minute.
Of course there are highlights and a lot of love, but many times it can feel like a chore.
I wash their bottles and sippy cups three times by nap time. They seriously multiply! I seem to be prepping or cleaning up a meal/snack constantly, and not because it actually takes that much time to prep the food alone. But entertaining and removing danger from three small children who want to be held or play with the waffle iron WHILE prepping food does take an extraordinary amount of time.
The art of distraction has been nearly perfected this summer. Two 18 month olds presented a challenge but I think I fared well! Whether I distract one with a different toy when they fought over the same item, or I got them all busy so I could pee or change laundry without tears, it has become an art form for me.
Baths happen frequently. Experiences I want to give my children end up meaning extra cleaning of the house/yard, and them. And that means I'm tired. I actually didn't plan a day trip to an activity in the metro area (1.5 hrs away) worried I would fall asleep driving. See they fall asleep on the way home, but I have to stay awake. Keeping three children alive and safe away from home is taxing! And back seat drivers are not helpful in these instances.
Therefore the mom guilt steps in. Am I just an exhausted mess? Shouldn't I be loving this more? They say time flies, but this hour before bedtime is inching by. "Enjoy it while it lasts," they say. The little two fight over the same item, and as soon as I have distracted one with something new, that's exactly what the oldest wanted to play with! Can't win some days!
I wish there was an easier way. Maybe there is. I know there are healthy things to improve my energy, but we restricted the budget for a short time, and that is not a need for now. My solution right now is praying to God to help me each day share in the joy of my children. Thankfully those moments get me through the chore like moments. I was chosen to be these three kids' mom, and I am so blessed. But having a blessing doesn't mean it isn't work. We are blessed with a home, doesn't mean there isn't maintenance and chores. We have a happy marriage, doesn't mean we don't have miscommunication and frustration over who gets up with the kids this time. We are blessed with jobs, doesn't mean we aren't frustrated by it at times and wish we were paid more or had some more vacation time. We are blessed with children, doesn't mean it doesn't take every ounce of my energy and self control to keep everyone well and growing.
I am blessed.
I love my children, but I'm also tired.
That's my reality.
Yogurt - feeding self, I mean facial