Carrying the world(s)

As I was desperately trying to find a comfortable position for sleep last night, I became very frustrated. I just wanted to sleep but my hips and pelvis ached and creaked with each movement. Finally after fitful stretches of sleep my body adjusted or resigned to the fact it would be horizontal. 3:00am was my hero and I got about a 3 hour stretch of sleep! Glorious! When Caleb stirred my loving husband went and got Caleb so we could lay in bed a little longer. However my son didn't feel like snuggling in my bed for long this morning. His request was, "Eat!"

I pushed myself up and my hips creaked again, resisting being vertical now. As I stood, one hand went under my growing belly and the other reached for the foot of the bed for support. Suddenly, "I feel like I'm carrying the world in my belly," dropped into my mind. Just as quickly it changed to, "Actually two worlds!"

My complaints and aches quickly diminished. Whoa, two worlds. It was completely true. Two lives had begun and their entire worlds nestle safely inside me. All they know is provided by my body. As I walked to the kitchen I prayed that these two babes also knew God already, His love, embrace, and grace. Suddenly the burden lightened slightly. While I am charged with this physical burden and blessing, my babies and I are not alone as we ache and grow. We are supported and loved by our family, and above all God!

Thanks for meeting me where I was at this morning, God.

Christmas Morning

December 25, 2013

Caleb went to bed without much anticipation. He didn't know what was in store for him the next morning. We hadn't done much hype about Santa or any elves at our house. For Christmas Eve we had dinner and presents, and then played. So was it any surprise that he woke up as usual and ran to the couch to watch some cartoons. He didn't even look for anything more near the tree, but there was something there. Josh lured him over and they peeked inside the fort Santa (Nana) made for him.

Then he noticed the stick horse that Santa (Papa) made for him. Then he unwrapped the tunnel from Aunt Britta, Uncle Ryan, and Kiri. The fort had a special hidden entrance for the tunnel to attach to. Caleb was pumped. Then he opened a cowboy outfit, chaps, vest, and bandana. Next was the handcuffs and pistols. Introducing Cowboy Caleb, complete with a hideout and horse!

The rest of the day included extreme Cowboy skills. He was my hero multiples times as he would have me handcuffed, grab the keys, and then say, "I rescue you, Mommy!" What a guy! He could melt my heart with each successful rescue.

I called Grandma Miller for her Creamed Eggs and Toast recipe, and we enjoyed a family favorite. I made a roux for the second time in two days. I felt so domestic:) What a day of play and good eating! It was too windy for the planned ice fishing trip, but we didn't mind staying cozy together.

Before having Caleb the joy of Christmas had lost some of its luster for me. I got the hymns and services to feel that Jesus was born, but the true elation and joy was difficult to conjure. I loved giving presents, and appreciated opening them, but something was missing. Apparently, Caleb was missing. This Christmas was all about joy. His joy and kindness when opening gifts. His creativity when assembling and playing with new items. It is the child-like faith in goodness, God, and imagination that gave me back the Christmas Joy!

I hope and pray each of you had Christmas Joy too!
Here are some captured moments of Christmas Morning. I have a playlist linked to this video.

Sighing

Has it really been 4 months since I last updated this blog? I don't like to shame myself into doing something, but this really is shameful. The disappointing thing is that I have mentally written posts many times, only to be deterred by things to do, the time it would take to upload a picture, or overall exhaustion. I guess it makes sense that about the last time I posted, we got pregnant. 

Pregnancy round 2 has been very different. At first I was sick,... until about week 7. Then I was extremely sick. With Caleb I threw up morning and night and then just mornings until Week 24. This time I was nauseous all day and sick in the morning. It really made for some uncomfortable moments, hours, days. I was also very tired. 

In August we found out we were having twins. Well that makes sense! Granted I've heard every pregnancy was different, but the intensity of my heartburn, nausea, and fatigue seemed ridiculous. At the very beginning of September I had a doctor's appointment and opted this time for the anti-nausea meds. Josh asked me to consider it this time, and I really couldn't say no. I didn't know how I could be a teacher, mother, wife, and family organizer while feeling this way. Thank goodness the meds really worked. I wasn't cured by any means, but I felt much more human...until the side effects of the meds really made me reconsider taking them. I was struggling with more intense heartburn and constipation. Yuck! So around MEA (3rd week of October) I weaned myself off while having a long weekend off work. I still can get nauseous, but overall I have my body in check and can function better. 

Caleb knows things are changing, but he's not quite sure what. He will point at my belly when prompted and say "babies." But overall he's still in the dark. My belly is measuring about 6 weeks ahead of schedule, which is typical for twins. I have practically stopped picking up Caleb from the ground. He's 40 lbs and it's just too much pressure at this time. I also have a supportive and willing husband who has stepped up doing the laundry and vacuuming since those chores are too much weight to lug around .

Caleb updates: He was ghost for Halloween. I sewed his costume out of a King Size pillowcase. He loves to say "ohooo oooo" and "Boo!" Just today he wanted to wear his costume again. 

October 31st was also his last night with his nuk. There's been a little more heartache at bedtime, but we're in process of it taking less than 10 minutes to lay him down and sit by his door. He doesn't leave his bed at least. He just needs some extra security again now that the Nuk is gone. 

Caleb is an expressive communicator, but not yet clear. We're working on saying the beginning and endings of our words. He's coming slowly along. Every once in awhile he really has a story or a play idea, but out of context Josh and I look at each other and say, "We've got nothing." As now he doesn't get too upset, but we're working on it so he doesn't get too frustrated. 

Caleb baptized me with his first night time puke. Our pajamas and sheets got changed and he slept with Daddy in the living room. Josh opted to stay home as I had conferences. Apparently the middle of the night episode took care of it though. He was up and his happy self the next day. Glad he kicked its butt!

This Thanksgiving we celebrated at my Mom's with the Harjes extended family. We were 13 adults and Caleb. Lots of good food and laughter. I was just recovering from the flu, but feeling myself again. The only thing was my stamina really still wanted me to just sit around. Luckily Thanksgiving isn't too active of a holiday, just my son is. Again, Josh steps up and he really helped out!

Today we are getting some cleaning and organizing done. Saturday is football, Ohio State and Michigan, and Josh's nephew is playing basketball in town. Sunday we will begin decorating for the holidays. I can't wait. I need to spruce some things up. 

The title of this post is not "Catching My Breath" because I don't feel like I'm resting or caught up, but rather I am taking a sigh. Trying to take a moment to breathe in and out with ease. Breathing will start getting harder as these babies take up more and more room, so I need to make the most of deep sighs I have left. 

Because it is November most people list their blessings, but last spring I started doing that due to a book "1000 Gifts" I read by Ann Voskamp. It has become a discipline to stop, pause, and recognize the blessings around me. And so it is with a very generic sigh of gratefulness that I end this post today. 

Until next time,
may you find a moment to sigh in and out with peace.
Bri

Confessions

So if anyone asks about Caleb's first flight I will honestly say he was a trooper. He didn't cry a bit. He loved his wings and sucker. However, his parents, me specifically, had an epic fail moment.

I can actually see Caleb sitting in some orientation as a teen or young adult in a circle. He should share his name and a little known fact. He will say, "Hi. I'm Caleb, and I have worn Depends." 

Here's the synopsis: 

We got through security smoothly with our toddler getting about 5 Junior Security Badge stickers, while Josh and I tried to juggle our 4 carry-ons and stroller. Without too much sweat, we made it to the very end of Concourse G to our gate and had 1.5 hours to spare. We had Caleb run some laps but tried to corral him too. We had smiles from others around us so we knew we kept the annoying factor in check. It was about 15 min before boarding would start so I thought I would change Caleb's diaper before getting on the four hour flight, praying we'd be set until we landed. I grabbed the wipes and then...a little more digging...another zipper opened...and then a moment of terror. The diapers were in the checked luggage! Josh looked too and then said, "Should I go buy some?" "Well this one is wet and we have another 4 hours, so yes." He found out that diapers would be back in the main mall area, at the opposite end of our concourse, near security. He took off running and within minutes of him leaving they called for early boarding: those with medical assistance and young children. My heart beat a little faster. Josh ran up 10 minutes later, a bit winded with a bag in tow. He said the largest size they had was 3 (our son wears 6), so he bought small Depends. I grabbed them and ran to the bathroom. Of course there was a line and the woman in front of me decided to change her baby's entire outfit. I will admit that in my talking to Caleb, I explained that we had to wait but that it wouldn't take long. I was very passive aggressive, but I don't think they really heard it anyway. 

We finally get in and I take off his wet diaper. As I slid the new "diaper" over his legs and up, I could see Caleb looking at me questioningly. I stood him up and hiked the Depends all the way up....to his armpits. Too big, but no time. So I pulled up his shorts and folded and stuffed the 'extra diaper stuff' back down into his shorts. I wanted no visible evidence. We came out and Josh had almost all our luggage in his arms, save one small carry-on suitcase for me to pull. I grabbed it, got to line, took our tickets out of my pocket and got in the skywalk to the plane. As I walk I begin to laugh hysterically, people turn to look. The relief of boarding the plane after the frantic last 20 minutes just overcame me. How absurd it all was! I immediately thought what a memory this will be! And really, that's what vacations are for; making memories! 

The flight went really well. Take off was smooth with snacks and a sucker. We were in the kid zone of the plane so we gave each other support and knowing smiles.

Half way through the flight I wanted to be sure Caleb could get the next 'diaper' on to avoid any leakage. I went to the back of the plane and asked the flight attendant where I should change him. There were no platforms or changing tables in the bathrooms so she told me to change him on my lap while sitting on the closed lid of the toilet. Instead of scoffing or throwing a fit, I walked in and closed the door. I wanted to give her dimensions of my lap (about 18" x 12") and my son's height of 37", but she didn't seem sympathetic to the situation. Upon closing the door, I closed the toilet lid and stood Caleb on top. I changed him completely in the standing position. I did Thank God he did not have a dirty diaper or I would have rung for HELP! Again, my two year old handled it all in stride and looked slightly less questioningly as I pulled the 'diaper' up to his armpits and then rolled it back down. I love him.

I am a teacher and I frequently say, we learn most from our mistakes. Lesson learned: I will always, always, ALWAYS check that I have diapers in my bag. 

Official 2 year old pics

I've got a nice camera so I may as well use it! Here's our attempts to keep a 2 year old still:) Let me know which pics are best. so I know which to order. As his mother, I am biased.

#1

#2 (same as 1 but B/W)

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8 Thinking...

Playground set

No we haven't added the full swing set at our house, but Grampa and Oma keep adding to theirs. They have tractor tires to climb on, a sandbox, swings, and other climbing areas. Most recently they added toddler size equipment that can move around the yard. Caleb was very excited as it took three adults to put this thing together:)

Swinging makes waiting easier

Wild Hair on the trapeze

Helping Grampa carry supplies

They are fitting this puzzle together

What?! I am 12 feet off the ground and flying this thing by myself?!

I'm getting down from there!

It's done! Whee!

Celebrations

Caleb loves a party. He loves people, fun, and food. He is definitely an extravert. :)
For his birthday we had a lot of people in our house, great food, and plenty of presents. He gave hugs after each present as a thank you. While I realize gratitude is not fully grasped, I was happy he could take a break from the pile of presents to give love to his family. I love that our family is nearby and we can celebrate. We miss those far away, and those in Heaven, but always thankful for the Circle among us.

The blessing

The Cake

How old is Caleb?

Cupcake Mustache

The Little Drummer Boy

Thanks for the drums Aunt Kayla & Uncle Garrett

A Bus!

Thanks J1 Millers (Eli and his fam)

Yo-Ho-Ho

Thanks Nana and Papa

Shoes...my favorites!

Thanks Aunt Sandra and Auntie Krista

College Fund - Thanks Oma & Grampa

Dr. Miller (beat you Jason) - Thanks Aunt Greta

Fear me...I am 2!

Ball Player- Thanks Aunt Britta, Uncle Ryan, and Cousin Kiri

There were many more pictures and gifts but we I decided to keep it to 16 shots of a wonderful day. So happy and blessed with our Little Guy!